May 26, 2022, 10:22:27 pm

Author Topic: "The Wisher" (poem)  (Read 828 times)

Offline Dustfeather

"The Wisher" (poem)
« on: August 13, 2016, 10:53:57 am »
(Having to repost as the original thread got deleted when DS was sorting out security and stuff - if anyone left a reply, please leave another as I'd like to see what people think :3)


A parody of Poe's "The Raven", inspired by a conversation on Skype, and dedicated to @rihannasjorts and @lavender :) Works best if your fruit censors are switched off, as some words have been deliberately fruited :P


Once upon a midnight dreary, while I posted a fan theory,
Over many a quaint and curious volume of warrior cat lore,
While I fangirled, over-hyping, suddenly there came a typing,
As of someone gently Skyping, Skyping at my chamber door.
"'Tis some fruitposter," I muttered, "Skyping at my chamber door -
Only this, and nothing more."

Ah, distinctly I remember it was in the bleak December
And each festive forum member wrought its ghost upon the floor.
Eagerly I wished the morrow; - vainly I had sought to borrow
"Fire and Ice" to ease my sorrow - sorrow for the lost Lavendore -
For the rare and punny maiden whom StarClan name Lavendore -
Nameless here for evermore.

And the silken sad uncertain rustling of each pixelled curtain
Glittered - glistened with the graphics of a website circa '04;
So that now, to still the beating of my heart, I stood repeating
"'Tis some OF kid entreating login at my chamber door -
Some role-playing newbie entreating login at my chamber door; -
This it is, and nothing more."

Presently my keys grew stronger; hesitating then no longer,
"Hello," said I, "my dearies, truly your forgiveness I implore;
But the fact is I was napping, after at my keyboard tapping
When so faintly you came blapping, blapping at my chamber door,
That I scarce was sure I heard you" - here I opened wide the door; -
Darkstar there, and nothing more.

Deep around that modmin peering, long I stood there wondering, fearing,
Doubting, dreaming dreams no medicine cat dared to dream before;
But the server still was broken; Darkstar, offline, gave no token,
And the only word there spoken was the censored word, "You kumquat!"
This I whispered, and a blueberry murmured back the word, "You kumquat!"
Merely this and nothing more.

Back into the chamber turning, apprentices around me burning,
Soon again I heard a Skyping somewhat louder than before.
"Surely," said I, "surely that is something in the RiverClan camp;
Let me see then, what's in the damp, and this mystery explore -
Let my whiskers twitch a moment and this mystery explore; -
'tis WindClan and nothing more!"

Open here I flung the shutter, when, with many a meme and flutter,
In there stepped a jorts-clad Wisher of the v3 days of yore.
Not the least word did he say, nor a minute stop or stay,
But with a .jpg of Pepe, perched above my chamber door -
Perched above a bust of Firestar just above my chamber door -
Perched, and sat, and nothing more.

Then this denim-clothed man beguiling my sad fancy into smiling
By the grave and stern decorum of Confessions on v4,
"Though thy underoos be short and revealing, thou," I said, "are tall when kneeling;
You'll hit your head upon the ceiling, perching there above my door -
Tell me what thy username is on the forest's Sunningrocked shore!"
Quoth the Wisher, "Nevermore."

Much I marvelled this ungainly boy to hear The Discourse™ so plainly,
Though his memes but little meaning - little relevancy bore;
For we cannot help agreeing that no living human being
Ever yet was blessed with seeing memes above his chamber door -
Lolcat or doge above the sculptured bust above his chamber door,
With such name as 'Nevermore'.

But the Wisher, sitting lonely on the feline bust, spoke only
That one word, as if a new-born meme he now wished to outpour.
Nothing further then he uttered - not a frayed thread then he flutttered -
Till I scarcely more than muttered "Other friends have worn jorts before -
On the morrow he will wear them, perhaps a new pair from the store."
Then the man said, "Nevermore."

Startled at the topic broken by reply so oddly spoken,
"Doubtless," said I, "what he utters is within the five-word law,
Caught by some moderating master, bringing ban-hammered disaster,
Followed fast and followed faster till he 10% warning bore -
Till the dirges sung to Brian that melancholy burden bore
Of "Never-nevermore"."

But the underoos fan still beguiling all my sad soul into smiling,
Straight I wheeled a spinny chair in front of jorts and bust and door;
Then, upon the Highrock sinking, I betook myself to linking
fruitpost onto fruitpost, thinking what this ominous lad of yore -
What this raucous, chatty, lively, and spontaneous lad of yore
Meant in posting, "Nevermore."

This I sat engaged in guessing, although no keystroke expressing
To the boy whose fiery eyes now burned on Pictures Are Fun once more;
This and more I sat divining, with my laptop screen reclining
On Confessions I was whining of the man I puzzled o'er,
But whose memes and legwear I remained ever confuzzled o'er,
She shall see, ah, nevermore!

Then, methought, the air grew denser, perfumed by a fruity censor
Swung by StarClan cats whose pawsteps padded on the tufted floor.
"Wretch, I cried, "thy Blizz hath lent thee - by these star cats she has sent thee
Pepes, puns, and gifs aplenty from the blog of Lavendore!
Grapefruit, oh grapefruit all thou sent me, and forget lost Lavendore!"
Quoth the Wisher, "Nevermore."

"Spammer!" said I, "thing of evil! - spammer still, if man or devil! -
Whether YouTube sent, or whether OF tossed thee here ashore,
Desolate yet all undaunted, in the Dark Forest enchanted -
On this site by pornbots haunted - tell me truly, I implore -
Are there - are there memes on Tumblr? - tell me - tell me, I implore!"
Quoth the Wisher, "Nevermore."

"Spammer!" said I, "thing of evil! - spammer still, if man or devil! -
By that StarClan that bends above us - by that Blizz we both adore -
Tell me of an online land, with memes as dank as ShadowClan,
Populated by a woman whom the Wishers name Lavendore -
Home to a rare and punny woman, whom the Wishers name Lavendore?"
Quoth the Wisher, "Nevermore."

"Be that word our sign of parting, double-poster!" I shrieked upstarting -
"Get thee back onto the OF and Hidden Clans' Proboards shore!
Leave no Pepe as a token of that lie thou troll hast spoken!
Leave my cat-themed thread unbroken! - quit the bust above my door!
Take thy memes from out my heart, and take thy jorts down off my door!"
Quoth the Wisher, "Nevermore."

And the jorts, never flitting, still are sitting, still are sitting
On the pallid legs of the Wisher just above my chamber door;
And their pockets have all the seaming of a demons' that is dreaming,
And the laptop-light o'er him streaming throws his shadow on the floor;
And the jorts from out that shadow that lie floating on the floor
Shall be lifted - nevermore!

Offline Arcade Heat

Re: "The Wisher" (poem)
« Reply #1 on: August 13, 2016, 12:21:34 pm »
my underoos love it
Empress of the Pagebottom

Offline Tom

Re: "The Wisher" (poem)
« Reply #2 on: August 14, 2016, 12:11:06 am »
due to post deletions I'll summarise my previous post:

yaaas



thanks vegas for the avatar, moss for the blinkie & darksight for the signature

Quote from: Darkstar
i actually happen to love a good fruitcake

Offline Darkforestwarrior

Re: "The Wisher" (poem)
« Reply #3 on: August 14, 2016, 12:24:34 am »
best poem 10/10 I love it

Grab Bag gift from Splashy!
~Happy Halloween~

Offline Splashy

Re: "The Wisher" (poem)
« Reply #4 on: August 22, 2016, 11:21:12 pm »
phenomenal 10/10 would reccomend